Annoying Orange
by Nadine25
Summary: This is what truly happened during Aizen's dramatic ascent to Las Nochas. In which Gin is bored, while Aizen and Tosen would love nothing more than to kill themselves only a few seconds after Aizen revealed his true colors to the entirety of Seireitei. Rated 'T' just to be safe.


**This is crack. And Gin is OOC. Well not really, I'm pretty sure that Gin is even weirder than this when he's not going all creep on everyone.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sad, but true. **

Gin watched as Aizen deflected Ichigo's attack with one finger, displaying just how supremely powerful he was. Say what you will about Aizen, but evil overlords don't get any more badass than this. Seconds passed and Rukia was suspended helplessly in the air, her little frame shaking with fear, as the ex-captain's hand wrapped smoothly around her neck. Byakuya was sent flying across the clearing, only to land in a pool of his quickly spilling blood, next to the immobilized substitute Shinigami.

Those two, alongside Renji watched helplessly as a hand effortlessly tore through the little girl's flesh, retrieved the desired object and retreated as if nothing happened.

Hordes of shocked and disbelieving Shinigami raced forwards, arriving just a tad too late.

A second passed, and Gin's view of Aizen was obstructed, as his eyelashes pressed close together, even more than they normally are, courtesy of the fact that Rangiku came to stand behind him.

Delighting in her and her assets' closeness, as well as the adorable and almost palpable presence of both anger and fear in her pleading voice; Gin's smile grew wider.

But much to his chagrin, the sky opened and immersed him in a column of light alongside both Aizen and what's his face, the blind guy. Gin could never really remember it, something along the lines of toast.

The fox like Shinigami grinned as Aizen ran a hand through his hair and took off his glasses, saying something so very expected from an evil overlord, that Gin didn't even bother committing it to memory.

A moment later, the three Shinigami were levitating, as their dumbstruck ex-colleagues watched, unable to wrap their minds around what just happened.

Slowly they moved up, and out of ear shot, all eyes were still fixed on them though, mouths agape.

That was when Gin saw it fit to talk.

"Man this is slow." He said nonchalantly. His sweet tone and expression coming as a blatant contrast to the overall creepy effect.

Neither Aizen nor toast, ahem, Tosen, responded.

"Why are we moving too slow?" He questioned again, knowing that none of them would even bother. They knew him too well, and always made it a point to ignore him when he got one of his moods. Those moods always manifested themselves when he was bored with no means of playing cruel mind games on other people for entertainment purposes. Gin hated being bored, and when he was, well, everyone else needed to suffer.

"Alright, let's play it cool." The silver haired Shinigami advised. "Do the: 'Evil Guy Pose': just look like you're completely indifferent to everything, put your hands in your pockets and lean back just enough to show that you're relaxed."

"Yup, that's it..

"How cool are we."

Pause.

"Hey Aizen-Taicho, since you're not a Taicho anymore, what should I call you? You could choose anything; really, the sky is the limit, the sky which we haven't reached yet for some reason, is the limit. So what will it be?...

" Umm, Sir? Should I call you 'Sir'. Sir Aizen Sosuke. Nope. I don't like it.

"How about highness? Your royal highness... Nah.

"My liege. Nope you'd enjoy that way too much.

"Emperor….Prince…. King…. My Goodman, Aizen. No, 'Good Man Aizen' is too ironic.

"How, about seigneur. I like it, don't you Aizen-Taicho? seigneur Aizen…..Hmmm. I don't know…."

Aizen, kept his eyes fixed ahead, and with an eerily soft and way too good to be true calm tenor, he said, "Lord."

"Oh.. Yes… But of course. Lord Aizen. Lord Aizen Sama Sosuke." He tried out the words. "I like it." He commended.

A fraction of a second passed and they soared even higher up.

"Too boring. Hey Aizen-Taicho…." His lazy tenor echoed. "Why couldn't you just beam us up there? Like really really fast? Why the slow motion evil ascent thing?"

"Well, you should have at least bought us cable subscription. It would have entertained us through the slow motion ascent. We could have watched the: 'Evil Choice Awards' or something."

"Hey, speaking of the: Evil Choice Awards," Gin started again and Tosen mentally and rather politely cursed his luck. This was the first time he actually felt bad about being blind, since it enhanced his other senses; and this really wasn't a good time to be having good hearing.

"What was I saying: Oh yeah, the Evil Choice Awards, I think, after Aizen-Taicho's recent display, he could easily win a: 'Best Looking Male Shinigami' award or something." He declared.

Below them, Rukia was placed gently by Byakuya's side on the floor.

"Wait, no, I'm sorry Aizen-Taicho," He said sweetly, his smile widening and his eyes seemingly closed. "I think Captain Six is the one who's a shoo-in for that award. Even drenched in blood he looks like a model."

To his credit, Aizen remained completely impassive, not even turning his head to look at Gin.

"Not that Aizen-Taicho doesn't," The ex-third squad captain pushed on, not even bothering to call Aizen 'Lord' as he was instructed. "I mean the way you removed your glasses, and the hair toss thing…. Priceless." He complemented.

Aizen's eyes narrowed imperceptibly.

"What a great time to show them your sexy side Taicho." Gin declared tilting his head to the side slightly. "They've never acknowledged your handsomeness before. This sure will give them something to think about."

Gin took a thoughtful pause, and Tosen felt like dropping to his knees, and hugging himself in relief.

"Say, is that why we're doing all this?" Gin questioned sounding pensive. "Wow, I never thought about this before. But it's a very good explanation. They ignored your hotness for so long, and everyone was talking about Captain Six's stony faced, dark, sexiness, and captain Thirteenth's long haired, kind hearted, sickly charm, and captain Eight's pink wearing, perverted appeal, even the lil captain is developing a congregation of closeted perverts, who: 'just wanna ruffle his hair, nothing more. Really, that's all they want'. I bet that's what pushed you over the edge. They completely ignored your sexiness."

Aizen drew on all his evil overlord training to maintain his 'Sexy and I Know It' pose and not to turn around and glare a hole through his favorite student. He might be annoying but he's as creepy as they come, Aizen appreciated that. He truly did.

"This is so boring." Gin started, having effectively distracted himself from the topic he was previously pursuing, without even waiting for a reaction from Aizen.

"Look, they're starting to look away. A few more seconds, and they'd be waving at us and asking us to get gone so that they could start talking about it already."

Pause.

"Can't this Garganta draw us up any further?"

Pause.

"I should have brought a book or something."

And a pause.

"You should have told me to use the bathroom before we left the barracks, I mean this is a long trip and I humored little Kira by drinking some of his homemade apple juice, before we came…"

"I wanna use the bathroom."

If Tosen wasn't blind already, he would have clawed his eyes out by now.

Gin sighed, somehow managing it without parting his lips, because that would have affected his omnipresent smile; which is absolutely unacceptable.

"I'm bored."

"Why isn't this going any faster? is something wrong with the vacuum cleaner, the suction's off."

"Hey, if we had a theme song, what would it be?"

Pause.

He was sounding petulant now, and Aizen's eyes never moved as he pretended to be thoroughly fascinated by the clouds ahead. This was his moment damn it, he was soaring dramatically above everyone as they looked up in awe, having eyes only for him and his windswept locks, enshrouded in light. Yup, enshrouded in light is where he deserves to be.

"This is horrible." Gin said, emitting another sigh, which was perfectly juxtaposed with his happy tone and his happy happy face.

He bowed his head slightly, entertaining himself with the sight of the dumbstruck Shinigami below.

"Look, at my Ran-chan. She's beautiful, and from this altitude you can really appreciate her boobs."

The only solace Aizen and Tosen had lied in the fact that they were almost at the Garganta. Soon, very soon, it was a matter of seconds now and they'd be….. Well, they'd be stuck with Gin, alone, in the same place. For years and years to come. With no one else but the three of them and a bunch of Arancar who are sure to provide insufficient entertainment for him, which just means more Gin time for Aizen and the poor blind man. Wait, nope, something has clearly gone wrong when Aizen was making his calculations.

"Hey is it just me, or does her boobs look like they spell out the word: 'Boob', from up here?"

"Man, I almost can't see her face from this distance, yet these puppies are shining bright. I wonder if we can see them from space. Wow, that'd make space travel so much fun."

An inch away from the Garganta now, and the three stepped out of the rays of light, standing side by side, for one last dramatic evil guys' pose, before they turn around and walk ominously through the gate, allowing the light to enshroud their frames and the imaginary clapping audience to jump to their feet.

"Hey, before we go, do any of you have a camera? I think I should take a picture of Ran's boobs; they'll make a great Christmas card for you guys and the little guys back at Las Nochas. I'm sure they haven't seen anything like them before. Wait a minute; is there porn in Las Nochas?" Gin questioned, having just thought of this, as the Garganta started closing. "Damn it. This picture is more crucial than ever now. Someone hand me a camera! Oh no, too late. Las Nochas, here we come, I'm bored already." He finished sounding so very serious, even though the smile and the laid back tone were still intact.

A second later, the Shinigami of Seireitei watched as the gate closed, however, before they could start freaking out, they were stunned once again, by the sight of Ichimaru Gin plummeting from space, at a speed, much, much, faster than that with which he ascended.

"What's for dinner, guys?" Gin questioned, as he landed gracefully and proceeded to walk casually past the assembled crowd. "Ran, can I take pictures of your boobs?"

A collective shrug, greeted his words.

.

**Told you it was crack.**

**I know the ascent wasn't that slow. But, if it were, I bet that this is exactly what would have happened…. Maybe not exactly.**

**I'd love it if you guys Reviewed ;) Let me know what you think. **


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